Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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