do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
