i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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