man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
