In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
