Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
