Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
