Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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