One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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