I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
