no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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