I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
