absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
His nipple licking is glorious
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