i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
