smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
