wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
