youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
