false alarm. still invincible.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize