what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
