OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
