I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
