So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Randomize
