I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
