Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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