hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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