Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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