we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
