she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
