i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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