If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
