if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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