You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Hippo gnu deer
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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