I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
