Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
