Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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