found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
