Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
