There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
