yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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