So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
