I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
