Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
