cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
