need another drink. this is the easiest way
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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