There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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