I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
