I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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