I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
