I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
In other news, I just burned my penis
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
