Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
