Jerry, you need to find god
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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